In A Good Way
by Broken Wrist
Summary: Songfic. Dorothy feels she should leave Quattre, but is not yet sure; introspective fic.


Well, here it is. My first fanfiction. I'm quite proud of myself that I went as far as to put it here. It still feels a bit clumsy, but I can't do anything else with it. If you have any idea what else could be done, feel free to express your opinion. Reviews are very welcome.  
Oh, and none of the characters are actually mine; I only borrow them and give them back after a while, rather undamaged. The song is Beady Belle's - not mine as well. Only the idea is mine, but I'm not sure whether to be proud of it ;)  
I quite enjoyed writing it; hope you will enjoy reading the story.

* * *

Beady Belle  
In a good way

She came back to her apartment, or rather his apartment, feeling mentally exhausted. She quietly closed the door behind her and let her back fall heavily against it. She had already made the decision, this part should be much easier. But as much as she would love this all to be already over, she didn't posses any magic abilities to travel back and forth in time, so she had to take every single minute of it. And that meant almost three hours of anguish before she could be finally free of it. Hopefully, forever.

_How am I supposed to say to you  
That I'm gonna leave tonight ?  
How am I supposed to explain to you  
That I never loved you right ?  
_

"Poor Quattre", she thought, "I shouldn't have even started this whole story." Why did she fall for him? "Ah, stupid question." Just his looks were enough to conquer any woman's heart. And, he was horribly rich, which had also been a plus. That's where this apartment came from, after all. It was beautiful, tastefully decorated and very comfortable, but she hated it right now. It reminded her too much of him.

She picked up her small bag, which fell to the floor after she went in, and without even turning the lights on, she walked into the main room. All those reasons may be important to others, but she knew she didn't love Quattre for that. He was just too good to let her slip past him. He never blamed her for starting their arguments, for doing wrong things, never said anything bad to her, hell, he probably never went as far as to think something bad about her. Even though she stabbed him, tried to kill him and hurt him so many times. This just wasn't right.

_I will be gone forever  
All our connections I sever  
_

Yes, that would be good for both of them. She tried to make him understand that she wasn't the right girl for him. She was Dorothy Catalonia and wouldn't change. She didn't have all that good traits inside that he believed she had. She would never be as innocent as him, never as caring as he was. At first she thought their affair would end very soon, as soon he opens his eyes and sees for himself all she's been made of, all that evil. But he didn't see it. He was blind when it came to her. But she wasn't at all blind. Each day that passed with her by his side made her even more certain that they were as different as darkness and light. And she wasn't the only one to see it. She saw the looks everyone gave them when they showed up together, heard the whispers, saw the headlines. She had to admit it, they looked good together, the dream couple for covers, but in reality – it was so different. She simply didn't deserve him.

_Oh, can I possibly hurt you in a good way ?  
Oh, can I possibly hurt you in a good way ?  
_

She looked around the room, illuminated only by the lights coming from the streets outside. In this dimness it matched her mood. The clock on the wall showed that it was 8:30. Within two and a half hours her shuttle would leave this colony and she would be forever out of his life. Until then, she had to wait.

Of course, she could have went to his office and wait there, with him, where he stayed late because of the all important peace conference that is supposed to take place next week. No, she didn't blame him for staying at work late, it wouldn't be fair for her to blame him. He was incredibly dedicated to his job and took it sometimes even too seriously, but he was always back home on time, greeting her with a smile and a quick, sweet kiss, and then dragging her with him to a nearest restaurant, complaining about how hungry he was and trying to make her laugh. It surprised her just how many times he succeeded. The approaching conference was very important, with representations from all the colonies and Earth going to attend, and Quattre was just as responsible as always. He took care of – it seemed to her – all the preparations, and right now she was glad he would spend at least another hour and a half checking absolutely everything he could check. It gave her much needed time alone.

"Face it, Dorothy, you're avoiding him" she thought. "You're a coward. Well, at least this will show him another of your flaws"

_How can I explain the truth to you  
and expect you to believe ?  
_

She headed to the bathroom. Maybe a hot bath will calm her down a bit. That's why she didn't just go to him to his office, as she would have done before this day whenever she finished her work before he did finish his; she always felt welcomed coming into the room where he already was. But then he would catch something in her eyes, he would - as - usual see right through her. She would have to - - no, not to listen him complaining or convincing her to stay, she would have to stand his hurt look she knew so well, he would ask her for her reasons to leave which she wasn't sure she could voice out loud to him… Yes, she was weak, and she knew it. And he was exactly the opposite.

The bathroom was as dark as the rest of the apartment, for she didn't dare to turn the lights on. She just opened the window to let some cool air inside and stepped into the tub. It was full of hot water, just water, without all that silly bubbles. If she had the power, she would make the whole world as gloomy as she was right now.

_How can I refuse and look down on you ?  
How am I supposed to leave ?  
_

"Poor Quattre," she thought for the hundredth time this evening. He is going to be hurt once again by her. "But this time is the last" she almost said aloud. Well, no one would notice if she actually said anything, but she was afraid that something inside her would crack at any moment, given any reason at all. She might start to cry, throw things, or – what scared her the most – she would change her mind. She couldn't allow that.

She did love him, after all. Lack of love wasn't the problem in their relationship. But she didn't have any illusions. There was no such thing as one special person for everyone to love for all their life, there were no couples destined to be together until the end of time. "How about Heero and Relena?", a tiny voice inside her head asked. Dorothy angrily punched the surface of the water in the tub. She listened to this tiny voice everytime before, and she always regretted afterwards. She took a deep breath and immersed her hear underwater, hoping to drown that side of her that still wanted to stay. It wasn't her first attempt to run away, but always before the hope that it will all be OK, that their love will conquer all, made her stay. It didn't take too long before she started another quarrel, started criticizing his ways, or simply got bored…

She couldn't hold her breath any longer, so she sat up straight again. It had gotten colder inside the bathroom because of the opened window, and steam was rising from the water and her body, vapor slowly disappearing in the air.

Time will heal all the wounds, as it has done since the beginning of time. Quattre, or even her, will find someone else to love, who would also love them back the way they deserved. He won't have any problem starting a new relationship again, there were hundreds of good girls out there, every single one better than her. She didn't mean all those greedy, shallow ones. Lets take his secretary, for example. She was very polite, intelligent, a bit shy, and would do anything for her boss. Dorothy knew she fancied Quattre, and even he might have noticed. He liked her very much, she could tell. He wasn't, of course, flirting with her, neither did he love her, of that she was certain; he loved Dorothy, and as much as she tried to push him away, he was willing to stay with her no matter what. But once she's gone, they might just end up being together. She was so much like him. Unlike Dorothy, the ever plotting behind someone's back, ever deceiving to get what she wanted. Unlike Dorothy, who couldn't keep her word.

_I will be gone forever  
All our connections I sever  
_

The water was already cold. She had to get out and finally start packing her things. She WAS leaving, after all. Dorothy tied her robe around her and went to the bedroom. Ah yes, the bedroom. She fingered the switch and hesitated for a second. "Don't be silly, Dorothy, the light won't harm you, and you have to pack only your things, how will you be able to tell the difference with no light on?", she asked herself and pushed the switch. Then she opened her eyes and let out a breath she didn't even know she was holding. "See, silly girl, nothing is…

She stopped in mid-sentence. The suitcases. They were in a neat pile on the bed. She didn't put them here, and he wasn't leaving; he hosted a conference...

"He knows…" she whispered. How? Asking herself didn't make much sense, he wasn't stupid. She tried her best to be good to him those last few days, she didn't argue, she didn't criticize him, she didn't try to convince him to stop letting people throw all their problems at him. He just sensed she was planning something. He was, after all, the one who knew her best.

As she expected, on the top of the pile lay a small card with only one word written. "Stay". He asked her to stay, but gave her the choice. He decided to leave her alone now, which she appreciated, sensing that this time the decision may be the final one. She slowly packed all her belongings, her calm movements not reflecting the storm inside her head. Finally, she sat down beside the suitcases and looked at the piece of paper one last time. If she leaves, she will break his heart. But if she stays, she will hurt him over and over again, and then - break his heart. They weren't meant for each other, and their story will never have a happy ending. Did she have any choice at all?

Slowly, she got dressed and turned the light off. Her mind seemed to work better in the darkness. She went to the hall and picked up the phone.

_Oh, can I possibly hurt you in a good way ?  
Oh, can I possibly hurt you in a good way ?  
_

She told the lady on the phone her address and waited by the window for the taxi to appear. Stepping inside the car, she told the driver her destination. "This will make us both happy" she thought to herself, wishing she could believe that herself.

The car silently drove away from their apartment.

"Goodbye, Quattre", she said in her mind. "This is for the best".

* * *

Well, it wasn't as scary as I thought. I wasn't sure how to finish it up to the last moments, but finally it is finished, posted; living a life on its own. If you have something to say about it - review! 


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